I actually don't know if I have been really feeling at all for the past week or so. It seems like everything has just gone by in a blur and never really happened. Probably since I spent the week embedded by my eating disorder and depressed thoughts. I am in a slump and unable to rise out of it right now. I am hoping that tomorrow will be a fresh, clean slate, but I fear it will just be like every other day of the past week. I will try my damnedest to make the best of the day, though. I want to move on with this life, but right now I seem to be stuck in neutral and going nowhere fast.

I can't believe that it is the end of May already. This is pathetic how quickly this year is going by. We're just reaching the half way month mark to it being over starting tomorrow. Eeks! What a scary thought that is. *sigh* I guess it just seems to me that I have wasted a the first half of the year. I told myself that I was going to make all these changes and have the most wonderful new year and it didn't seem to happen. I guess I have had some accomplishments, like stopping drinking coffee (today is Day 17 dry, by the way), but it just doesn't seem to be enough in my mind. I guess I should stop my bitching and try and make some changes now, eh? I just wish it was that easy.

I really have got to remember to take my Prozac tomorrow morning. I forgot to take it yesterday and today and I think it is really altering my mood. I never thought that such a small pill could make a difference like it does, but I guess it is really working. I still would rather not have to take it, though. I just don't like the idea of being dependent on things/people.

The ceiling in our kitchen appears to be falling. My step father thinks it is because of a pipe in the bathroom upstairs. The floor isn't caving in in the bathroom, though, it is just the ceiling in the kitchen. I guess this makes it better in some way, but it is still bothersome. For the past few days it has been getting worse. Today it is cracked and looks like it will fall at any second. I feel like a stupid, selfish bitch because I know it is more than likely my fault. I wonder who the hell else in this house could have made a pipe leak/break? *sigh* I just fear that he will take the ceiling down and vomit will come tumbling down upon him. I think I would kill myself right then and there if that happened. I have actually been having daymares about it. It is constantly on my mind; this thinking of how much I have hurt people and how much I cost. I just don't see why I should be allowed to remain in this house wasting their money. I am a self-centered little shit. Fuck I hate myself today. Come to think of it, I always hate myself. I am a walking mass of fat, bitchy shit. Ah the mental image that comes to mind is actually somewhat humourous.

Anyways, must get back to working on my response to Plato's The Allegory of the Cave from The Republic. More bitching about my loathsome self later.

"If you want to be respected, you must respect yourself." -Spanish Proverb