Mental mélange
2004-04-25 :: 10:11 p.m.

I like running my fingers through my knotted hair. It hurts to pull them through, but there is satisfaction in the pain. I like to see the hair fall out as I struggle to untangle the mess. I am not doing my hair any favours by this, but I still continuously do it. Reminds me of my adventures of popping non-existent pimples and biting the inside of my lip until blood gushes into my mouth. Pretty pain is what I would call it. Something that hurts, but comforts at the same time. I know it's a negation, but somehow it makes sense in my mind...


My mass continues to become more massive. I am massive. It's getting to the point of ridiculousness. I can't even run anymore because my weight puts too much stress on my knees. I miss running and I miss working out lots. It made me feel better about myself and I also felt healthy. Now I just feel lazy and greasy. I am a pimple.


Where can I run to? When do I get to escape? Why is everyone surpassing me? Why are they meeting their goals, desires, and expectations, while I am lost amidst a plethora of self-misery?

Everyone left me for so long. They are coming back soon. Just a few more days until they're back. I won't be a social outcast for too much longer. My friends will save me. They must save me or I will wind up losing it completely.

I want to turn back the hands of time and start over. I want to go back to when I was 13. Before this whole bloody mess began. I want to be a teenager and do teenager things. I want to excel academically. I want to love and be loved. What the fuck is wrong with me?



1984. female. sometimes happy. sometimes sad. sometimes mad. always tired. no clue what she is doing with her life. currently working to save money. hates herself.

older entries
+ Ciao on 2004-07-28
+ Do you want quantity or quality, man? on 2004-04-27
+ New Name...? You like? on 2004-04-27
+ Mental mélange on 2004-04-25
+ I Need A Hug on 2004-04-25