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Thanks for the support <3
2003-05-14 :: 8:28 p.m. I just wanted to start this out by again thanking the people that stopped by and left me supportive messages yesterday when I was feeling so low. It really made me feel better in my time of crisis. I am happy to say that I am feeling better today than yesterday. I still hate my body, but I don't feel like inflicting pain upon myself because of it. I think accepting my body the way it is is going to take a very long time and I may never achieve it. I guess time will tell. I don't know what the below really is, but I wrote it in Lit class yesterday while looking out the window when I was feeling sad. I guess the dreary clouds just seemed symbolic of what I was holding in at the time. Rolling grey clouds hang lowly in the dim sky, reaching to the glorious green ground below, attempting to suck the liveliness out of the blades. Once in a while the clouds may let out a deep rumble of pain and shakily shed the tears that lie within their innards. Peculiarly they hold out for so long, holding that mass of water in their bowels. They seem to touch the tops of houses. They seem to tickle telephone poles. The trees feel enraptured by the essence that breathes down on them like a thousand drums off in the distance. This morning at 6:30 AM my friend Lisa and I went for a run. It went surprisingly well for that early in the morning. At first my body was in extreme shock because of the lack of coffee and the being forced to move at that hour on so little sleep, but eventually got used to it. Lisa says she hasn't exercised really in a few years so we had to take it slow. We did 1 minute running then 1 minute walking. We are going to keep building up for our 10 K race on July 20th, 2003. We are doing the race with our friend Mich�le as well. It should be fun and hopefully we will all make it through it. I think since we have a couple months to train that we should be just fine. After this I am hoping to build up and doing a longer one. I just don't want to delve into anything too extreme because of the risks of hurting myself. Kind of like the man who did the National Capital Marathon last weekend and had a heart attack and died. We're going again on Friday and are going to aim for running two times a week until the race. I guess we'll see how goes. We have to get better with practice, right? hehe. I also went for an awesome roller blade today after school. I guess I am hiding all my feelings about my body through obsessive exercise. Oh well for now, I guess.
Today's Affirmation: I have faith in my family, friends, and myself. I have faith in this world.
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