I remember earlier last year, around May, discovering a little heart amongst the various shapes and patterns in this shower curtain. It was my little heart of hope in the morning. If I could easily spot the heart, I knew I was in for a good day and that luck was by my side. Yet another small strand of hope that I kept by my side while starting recovery.

On the days when I couldn�t find the heart easily, I would panic. My eyes would search the curtain up and down relentlessly in hopes that my heart would come out of hiding and show its glowing glorious self to me. I would then tumble into self-loathing and usually have a painfully distressing, unpalatable day. Seems silly that the sight of such a little heart could determine my mood for the day...

And then there were days when I just was so far gone that I forgot about my little shower curtain heart. I didn�t look for it or think about it. Chances were that my mind was on the bigger picture of my mere mortal existence.

This morning I saw two hearts in my shower curtain.