What could possibly be so important in that room that he must leave approximately every 15 minutes to attend to? Is he hiding something?

Maybe he goes in there, sniffs a little coke, comes back for a few minutes and repeats the cycle. A coke addicted Law teacher, I like the sounds of that. Maybe that is why his nostrils are so accentuated. Also, I could have sworn I saw a little white power on the tip of his nose the other day. Maybe it was just my imagination, though. Or it could be the gigantic mole he has on the end of his nose...

I am not one to ridicule people for little things like that but every since my viewing of �Austin Powers 3,� I cannot help thinking of the �Moley, mole� scene. For the first week of the semester I have sat fidgeting in my seat wishing I could scream out things about this mole at the top of my lungs. Silly little mole sayings from �Austin Powers 3.�

"Moley, moley, moley, moley, moley!"

"Mole! Bloody mole! We aren't supposed to talk about the bloody mole, but there's a bloody mole winking me in the face! I want to c-u-u-t it off, ch-o-o-p it off, and make guacamole!"

"Nice to mole you...meet you! Nice to meet you, Mole!"

I find myself being unable to concentrate on what the man is saying because I am just so fascinated by his mole (he has a couple other ones on his face that are actually larger than the nose one, but I just can�t seem to keep my eyes off of this one). I think about little mole people that inhabit the mole. A little mole colony on the tip of his nose. I bet they have their own mole hierarchy. King Moley, Queen Moley, and the works.

Maybe he leaves the room because he has a secret black market going that rations paper to students throughout the school. Yeah, I bet he runs the whole operation. Making sure that there is just a large enough demand for paper that people are willing to pay anything to get their hands on a few sheets. He probably was the one who decided to put the school on a paper usage monitoring system. A sick, little twisted game he is playing with the students. He wants to see if we will start killing one another for paper. Almost like the razor blades in 1984 but worse, even.

Maybe he has a lusty bachelorette hiding in his office and he goes in for a quickie and comes back to make sure we haven�t eaten chalk or something. Finding us sleeping and completely motionless, he goes back for more. An affair, yeah, that�s it. An affair with one of the English teachers or something. Or maybe even a student! Ooh, naughty boy.

It could also be that he is hiding a penguin or some other exotic animal species in his office and he has to make sure it has lots of attention and love. Also needs to make sure it doesn�t shit all over his stuff or tear the place to pieces. He�s probably stolen the animal to save it from mad scientists that want to experiment on the poor thing. Yeah, an animal rights activist.

Or instead of having an affair with a woman, he could be having an affair with the other law/history teacher. That definitely has to be what it is! He is hiding his gay love to maintain a certain outward appearance. I bet he is a transvestite, even. Wearing women�s underwear and a bra underneath those cords and fuzzy sweaters. They are probably pink and lacy with a silky feel. All I can say, is thank goodness I don�t have x-ray vision!

Or I guess it could just be because his computer is in his office and he needs to enter marks or something...