i want to be free from all of the evil deeds and doings of the past. the things i have said, done, and experienced. nothing but tainted times remain in my mind. i cannot remember the sweet because it is overshadowed by the sour.

i've been told that these former happenings can be forgotten and a new life can begin, but i fear this is untrue. once i feel that i am starting to live yet again, an old memory passes by. it may be in a familiar object, smile, or action. or perhaps in an old diary entry. or even in a recurring nightmare that makes me fear laying my tired body to sleep at night.

the power of this memory takes ahold of me with such force, like that of gum in matted hair. i am completely unable to turn away and forget. my mind becomes completely entwined and submerged, drowning quickly in a sea of lies with no possible hope of rescue.

memories may be cried out but they magically reappear time and time again. i will never be free from the past.

condense, pour, evaporate, and repeat. an endless circle of hell.